Out of Order
by Kurama's Foxy Rose
Summary: The order of how something is done is important. Sadly, pointing that out to people like Shigure doesn't do a thing.


Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. It belongs to Natsuki Takaya. What, you expected a joke? They've all been done so often that there's really no way make them funny anymore.

_**Out Of Order  
**__(a Fruits Basket fanfiction)  
_by Kurama's Foxy Rose

Description: The order of how something is done is important. Sadly, pointing that out to people like Shigure doesn't do a thing.

* * *

It was another ordinary day at Shigure Sohma's humble little house.

There was a general sense of peace during breakfast, since Yuki wasn't awake enough to taunt Kyo. Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo soon left for school, as Yuki's state of awareness was quickly sharpened with an argument already starting between "the stupid cat" and "that damn rat."

Then, as usual, an unexpected visitor arrived. This time it was Hatsuharu, who was probably avoiding some _other_ Sohma. It seems there was an unexpected day off for his grade, releasing your favorite directionally challenged bipolar cursed zodiac ox (I know he's your favorite because there's not that many of those out there) and the hyper Momiji onto the poor, unsuspecting town.

The mellow 'White' Haru took a chance, sitting with Shigure in the self-proclaimed novelist's study while he read a new book.

And as was the case on any normal day, Shigure figured he must stir up a little fun.

Shigure broke the silence, whining, "I'm boooored!"  
Hatsuharu knew what was coming. "In other words, you're about to pester me."  
Shigure waved away the comment, using the excuse, "Oh, goodness no. We wouldn't want to bring out your 'Black' side, after all."

Haru turned a page in his book, hoping he could at least finish the chapter before that dumb dog starts talking again.

"You know, it's easy to see why everyone around here calls you Haru. What better way to shorten the name Hatsuharu?" Shigure suddenly commented, apparently choosing a topic to annoy the boy with.

No such luck. Damn.

"But there are some nicknames that are used all the time, even though they make no sense at all! I mean, what kind of order do you use to possibly get Tina out of Martha?" he continued.  
Haru replied warily, "I have no idea."

"Now that I think about it, how do you get Sandy out of Alexandria?" Shigure asked, starting a rant.  
"Still no clue."

Haru can no longer attempt to deny the truth; Shigure's going to continue this stupid tangent about nicknames, and he won't be about to do a single thing about it. And that book was just getting good too.

"And how do you get Zane out of Johnathon?"  
"I didn't even know about that one."

"How do you get out Trina of Katherine?"  
"Why are you asking me all this anyway?"

"How do you get Ted out of Edward?"  
"Wait, doesn't Ted come from Theodore?"

"How do you get Peggy out of Margret?"  
"Hey, you didn't answer my question."

"How do you get Bill out of William?"  
"You aren't even listening to me, are you?"

The blackness was finally approaching.

"How do you get Dick out of Richard?"  
"Isn't it obvious? Grab on hard… then pull!"

"What a great punch line!"

* * *

Author's Notes:

To those that are curious, I actually know the order used for a few of the name jumps:

Alexandria – Sandy  
Alexandria easily becomes Alexandra, which then becomes Xandra. The 'X' is quickly exchanged for 'S', which tends to be a very common occurrence with names when using the letters S, X, and Z. I doubt you need me to tell you how Sandra becomes Sandy.

Katherine – Trina  
The french version of Katherine is Katrina. (Just like Julie is for Judy.) Grab the last two syllables, and voilà, you have Trina!

Martha – Tina  
Martha = Martina = Tina

William – Bill  
Will is the most common variation of William, and Will rhymes with Bill... or maybe someone just had poor handwriting once upon a time.

* * *

"Does anything about ANYTHING makes sense anymore? The more you analyze something, the more you see all the flaws in logic."-Kathryn J. Blair


End file.
